The greatest of all returns, just 'cause I know you've been waiting for me the most ;)

Fools here, fools there, fools everywhere: I swear these days I’m surrounded with ‘em.

And once again I get the blame for their foolish antics – their inability not to join in on everything I start? Sure I’ll admit that I like to prank people…and play fight but it’s up to them if they want to join in or not –right? Right.

So yeah, my fault? Pft, I think not

Yes: I started it (and finished it. Don’t forget that: Emmett finishes everything he starts ;) )

Then they joined in and totally ruined the moment, thinking that they made it better – thinking that they would win. And then, because of their unwanted involvement, we got banned.

Now they are what I’d call an epic fail.

You know what. What I did should go down in history.

Shoot it, load it, burn it to disk.

Rewind. Watch for life.

Emmett vs Carlisle = that epically awesome and unbelievable (I’ll get you a picture sometime…pretty sure that my camera’s caught something)

Now I hear that they’ve all been blaming me for this?!

Puh-lease!

If Carlisle was half the man any of us thought he was he could have taken it.

Getting Esme involved was the final g-string, no one else needed the little ladies to come on in on this…so Carlisle can just suck it. After that blog I made one decision which had been:

Carlisle was going to get it; and dayum was he going to get it good.

All this just goes to show that Em-bear was just too much man for old man Carlisle. Looks like pops could dish it out but damn can he not take it. My actions were simply repercussions to his words. He brought this all on himself.

Heck – Carlisle asked for it. Begged even.

The old man told me to ‘bring it’…so I brought it alright.

…well…he…uh…er…he might have been talking about the shopping…I think it went a bit like this

Carlisle: Bring it over here please, Emmett

Emmett: *brings it*

^get it, get it, get it?^

Good.

So then I was giving him all this and he was trying to give me all that and then the foolish brothers had to join in.

We’ll call them tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee shall we?

Dumdum: oh hey that looks like fun, elbow me so we can get in on the action

Dee stupid head [geddit? ;) ]: sure thing bitch *elbows*

Dumdum: Dammit Dee I wasn’t being serious.

Duh duh duh duh dummys.

And that’s how it all happened, I swear down to it.

One more thing to say and I’m over and out (proms ;))

My absence, I’ve given you the story: the tweedle-twins have given you their side of events so yeah.

I got some incriminating things against them, which would be all thanks to the hidden cameras they’ve not yet tracked down (ha! Eddikins you always were a terrible tracker ;) ) I’ll get them to y’all soon, this needs to be perfect.

Then I’ll grace you with my blogging presence again.

That’s an Em-prohm-ese.

Dammit Edward how the hell?!

So apparently I thought that I was being all super-top-secret-agent silent with my pass code for this blog but it appears as though one of the family members has figured it out already.

There is one thing that I despise about this family and its lack of secrets. We know absolutely everything that each other has.

Shame my brothers and my own father can only come up with crappy lies about me then huh

Shame for them that I have genuine proof on each of them…although today is the day that I’d like to be defending myself over those lame ass accusations – but I aint gonna. I’m not wasting my breath to defend myself against lies and if you wanna believe ‘em go on ahead. Isn’t my fault you’re too easily influenced by their cheap tricks now is it?

I’d like to take a moment to thank the readers who aren’t so easily charmed or influenced by those lug heads. Y’all real smart.

And I’ve decided that – because Edward so casually destroyed my blog with yet another mention of himself – that one more can’t hurt.

I’m supplying you all with a video and a picture. That is all. Nothing more and nothing less. I was gonna put all my ammunition thus far into a video but it didn’t work so we’re just gonna have to deal with what we got.

I’m not going to say anything about this – because it more or less speaks for itself.

So here you go: enjoy…

oh hell to it. I am gonna say a few things...

1. Why do you think Eddiepoo chose a human for his 'lover' when every female had been falling head over heels for him - heels over head whatevs.

2. Shame he felt obligated to tansform her.

3. What ever happened with him and Jacob?

Because Edward is becoming the sex I so desperately want to be

I think it's time for me to come clean about a couple of things here.

I've been suspiciously absent from these blogs for the past week and a half - well, have you not looked at my previous posts? My evidence is obviously fabricated - and I've gotta admit that it's getting harder and harder to make stuff up about my brothers and my adopted father. That's primarily why I haven't been on as much.

Secondly, I have to apologize to Edward for all of my fabricated, insulting, and quite obviously untrue shots at him I have previously posted on this blog. I have to admit, I only picked on Edward more to hide my insecurities. Really, Edward is the most perfect, the most handsome, the most intelligent, the most musical, and the definitely the best and most gracious Cullen male in this house - not to mention the one with the best love life. Another admission - I only knock houses down with Rose because I need to feel the attention that it gives me - I need to redeem myself in my eyes.

Anyway, that's enough for now. I'll be seeing you all later, when I come up with enough fabricated evidence to look halfway real.

When the cat goes away the mice will play

Swim away fugu fish, swim away

You’re all probably thinking… ‘what possessed Emmett to do this’ and at this moment in time I got nothin’

I’m really regretting those damn webcams.

Alas, the fault is all mine and still with the world I must share. Yes…must, your choice of words would probably differ to ‘want’…but the world needs to see what you all really are.

They also need to see that I’m just better.

Dear father, you’re a charlatan. Yes. That’s right. Emmett can use big words too. Oooooh scary.
You’re most likely wondering why I’m accusing you of such; well my ravaged father I think you may have a few ideas why.

One of my most popular webcams (the one that feeds ‘live’ through the internet) caught a rather…disturbing sight earlier today…perhaps these next few words could refresh your memory…

‘ravage daddy. RAVAGE HIM.’

-shudder- I never (and I’m just going to keep repeating the word never) want to be on the other side of that particular conversation.

Hell yeah I went there.

I’ve also another gift for you…since you’ve included mom I think that it’s more than fair that she sees this too. Secretly, I’ve been hoping that she’s following these blogs. Maybe she’ll learn a thing or two about you – I know I have.

Being curious…I’ve just a few questions for you papa…

1. Has it always been a necessity for you need to hold people at gun point to get them to sleep with you?

2. Why do you practice this in the mirror on a daily basis?

3.What in the name of everything fanged and grizzly are you wearing?!

4.Why does this video depict you as a homo?

5.You’re stronger than that…I’d suppose you just didn’t tell her about that rash either…

~Jasper and Edward, your times are yet to come~

Jasper is the cheat, not I...here's proof.

I don't know about you guys but I most certainly wasn't expecting anything like this coming from Jasper...

1. he's the least attractive of us all

2. bad kisser...the video shows me that much

3. who'd have thought he'd have cheated on the little pixy

*shrugs* each to their own I suppose...

p to the s. I'd like to thank one of my secret sources for this...*shifty eyes* and this blog is dedicated to them.

Edward's shocking statement of the night

I’ve been aiming low (Edward) so I’ve been told that it’s time to pitch up my game.

Shamefully, I’ve got to admit, that I’m still gonna include Edward - just for kicks.

Night times around this place can get boring as hell (when Rose isn’t around) and last night was one of those nights. With that being said I was following my family’s blogs…yes you’re not the only people who follow these things.

Well…what I’ve found is pretty much my ammunition for the next 500 years (thanks loosers)

So last night it was drawn to my attention (nothing ever gets past me) that Edward has been implying Esme whores herself out...

here...I'll quote...

"well, perhaps Esme. She is so giving that she might give a little too much"

‘Shock, horror, Edward how could you?!’

I know. I know. That’s what’s running through all of our minds. Who’d have thought that our dear little Eddiekins would have sunk so low.

Calling his mother a whore - Esme of all people! It’s like comparing mother Theresa with an abuser.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

I’m still working to find out if this is true or not so I’ve reinstalled my secret webcams around the house (yeah that’s right, but you won’t find them this time ;) ).

Now…the questions running through my mind are as follows…

Does Carlisle know his wife is hankering for other males?

Whose design was it to whore Esme out?

Why hasn’t Edward stopped this?

Yes this is Edward’s fault…and Jaspers…and apparently Carlisle’s inability to keep his wife satisfied.

I’m sorry Carlisle but your wife seems to be having symp sex with other blokes…

~Foreverly scarred (and sexy) Emmett

P to the s Eddiepoos your cottage is still standing, but that's no shock - not after I made the comparison of how sexy I am and how sex-less you are...

Because I'm the sex

What you're supposed to do... and please do not spoil the fun. Create a new note, copy and paste this message, delete my answers and type in yours. Then tag good friends and family INCLUDING the person who tagged you. The theory is that you will learn one new thing about each of your friends.

THREE NAMES I GO BY
1. Emmett
2. Em
3. Monkey man (Rose only)
Not Em-bear *he mutters something about it sounding ‘homo’*

THREE JOBS I HAVE HAD IN MY LIFE
1. Student
2. Hiker…I know it’s a hobby but whatevs
3. Hottest man in this here universe

THREE PLACES I HAVE LIVED
1. Forks would be where the main house is – our family’s truest of homes.
2. New York where Alice, Rosalie and Esme tried to pursue their acting/modeling careers. *laughs at the memories*
3. Iceland

THREE TV SHOWS THAT I WATCH
1. Monster Truck Garage
2. Pimp my ride
3. Cribs

THREE PLACES I HAVE BEEN
1. Canada
2. England
3. *scribbles down nonsense in this space just for the heck of it*

THREE FAVORITE BOOKS
1. Reading?!
2. I’ve have better things to do with my time.
3. *quickly scribbles down ‘Pride and Prejudice’ hoping that no one will see*

THREE FAVORITE MOVIES
1. Batman – Dark Knight
2. Blades of Glory
3. Harry Potter…the third one – don’t tell Alice

THREE FEARS
1. Me, fear? HA. I’m fearless
2. (Loosing Rose)
3. *crosses out the ‘3’ with a thick black line*

THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
1. *crosses out the whole question*
2. ~
3. ~

THREE OBSESSIONS:
1. Rose
2. Grizzly bears
3. Going online and destroying Eddikin’s self esteem

THREE OF MY FAVORITE FOODS
1. ‘Gummy’ bears
2. Salad? I’m a vegetarian ;)
3. Red wine

THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO
1. Tonight
2. Rose and I getting our new summer house
3. Rose and I knocking down our new summer house

THREE PETS THAT YOU HAVE OWNED
1. I had a pet bear…for a couple of days before they made me get rid of him
2. Bella – I owned her in tree jumping or would the correct definition be PWNED?

PWNED

3. A pet monkey *takes a moment to grieve the loss of Hank*

THREE FRIENDS WHOM (I HOPE) WILL REPLY
1. Rosalie – because she loves me (I hope)
2. Bella – she’ll just protest which makes it all the more the fun
3. Edward – he never shuts up so bets he’ll be top replier.

THREE FAVORITE BANDS/SINGERS
1. Linkin Park
2. Yellow card
3. Muse

THREE FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH
1. Baseball
2. Hockey
3. Soccer

THREE FAVORITE DRINKS
1. Red wine
2. Red grape juice
3. Blackcurrant